he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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