This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
