all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
