there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
