Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
