watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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