Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
