she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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