Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
