Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
