your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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