if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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