hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize