I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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