i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
