i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
