ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
