piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
from now on my penis is your penis
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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