yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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