First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize