Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
