Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
