I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
birth control should be required to get into college
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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