before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
