oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
