I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
