I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
