I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
