just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I want a musical about memes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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