SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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