porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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