Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
