Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
