So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
