When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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