Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
