I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
