The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
