I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
