did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
