My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
