I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
