There was a lot of him and a little penis
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
