A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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