I'm going to jail i love you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize