It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize