come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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