I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
