I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
