Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
