I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize