1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
