Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
