there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
