i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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