dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
