im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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