I just found puke in my bra..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
