Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
