We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
