There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
