Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
