the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
