I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
