oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
