You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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