Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
