matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
