Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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