I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize